Here's a wonderful Thanksgiving pearl from Marilyn Lane. Ms. Lane is the co-author of "Parenting With Purpose: Five Keys to Raising Children with Values and Vision."
I remember one Thanksgiving when I was a principal at an elementary school in the Bay Area in California. I was very busy with both my job and my efforts to provide Thanksgiving dinners for some of our school's families. My daughter, who was a single mom, was traveling to my house for Thanksgiving along with her daughter Sarah who was about three or four.
I had almost decided to buy Thanksgiving dinner from one of the supermarkets that provide complete dinners for a price, when I received a call from Sarah. In her usual enthusiastic voice, Sarah said, "OH Grandma, Grandma. I can hardly wait until we get to your house! We can find beautiful leaves to decorate the table like we did last year, and I can help you make the pies and......." and then I knew I had to make Thanksgiving dinner, and include Sarah and her mom in the making. I wasn't just making a dinner; I was making a memory that would last forever. I was providing a tradition and a feeling of continuity and belonging for my family.
Sarah is in college now, and she still helps me make pies. Last year she made two aprons for me for my birthday. On the front, with liquid embroidery, she had written "Grandma" on one and "Sarah" on the other. They both hang in the pantry so we can use them whenever we make pies together.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
20 Things Children Truly Need for School
It's been just over a year since I last posted, and we are well over two months into the school year. Unbelievable. Having two school-aged kids will do that to you I suppose...the years just start to speed up, and before you know it, the kids are taller and smarter than you ever imagined.
The following article was printed in the Evansville Courier and Press, and forwarded to me by a dear friend. It's chock full of pearls, so I contacted the author and asked her permission to post this. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Here are the 20 things kids really need to start school...
SHARON RANDALL, Scripps Howard
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A friend e-mailed me a story she couldn't wait to tell me. She'd gone out to fetch the newspaper when she saw two little girls — ages 5 and 7, she guessed — all dressed up for the first day of school. And their dad was snapping their picture.
"It caused me to reflect on when my kids started school," she wrote. "That first day was a mixed bag, because if you were a mom with the kids in the house all summer, you were looking forward to some peace and quiet. But in the same vein, it was another year gone. ..."
Reading her note, I suddenly realized I never made pictures of my kids on their first day of school. What was I thinking?
Wait. I remember. I was thinking, "Please, God, help me get them in the car because my oldest can't find his shoes, and my youngest threw up, and my daughter hates how I braided her hair. And if we don't leave now we're going to be late because I might kill them. And, God? Please let the car start."
Motherhood is indeed a "mixed bag," not just on the first day of school.
From the day they are born, we start pushing them out of the nest with one hand and pulling them back with the other.
I don't have pictures of my children on their first days of school, but I have memories. I wish you could see them.
Last year in a column, I listed what I think children need for school. Many of you requested a reprint of that list. So here again, thank you, are "20 things children truly need for school."
1. A No. 2 pencil and a willingness to erase.
2. A respect for themselves and others, especially their teachers.
3. An awareness that the world does not revolve around them, and that they alone are responsible for their actions.
4. Parents (or grandparents) who teach by example a love for reading, learning and life.
5. An assurance that school is a good, safe place, their teachers will like them, and their parents won't leave town without them.
6. An understanding that school is their "job" and no one else can or will do it for them.
7. A system for exchanging communication between school and home; a backpack for notes; an emergency phone number that always answers; a quiet place and time to do homework; a daily chance to read aloud and to be read to.
8. A plan for getting to and from school on time.
9. A pet to care for.
10. A public library card.
11. Someone to welcome them home, laugh at their jokes, answer their questions and listen to what they say and don't say.
12. The power of knowing how it feels to give anonymously and sacrificially to help someone less fortunate.
13. The encouragement to try new things, the freedom to fail and the chance to try again.
14. The gifts of being well- fed, well-rested, well-mannered and well-covered for medical, dental and after-school care.
15. The confidence to deal with bullies (stand up straight, look them in the eye, don't start a fight — but don't back down), how to ask questions (raise your hand and wait to be called on) and to never stop asking questions, especially "Why?"
16. To be the best, or at least pretty good, at something, and to know that it's OK not to be good at everything.
17. To spend more time with humans and less with machines.
18. To have nothing to do once in a while but daydream.
19. To have someone love them unconditionally, regardless of their grades; someone to "beam" at them, to light up when they walk into the room.
20. They need to know that school won't last forever, but learning is a lifelong process.
And even if their mom forgets to take pictures, she'll always think they look pretty cute.
Sharon Randall can be contacted at P.O. Box 777394, Henderson, NV 89077, or at www.sharonrandall.com.
The following article was printed in the Evansville Courier and Press, and forwarded to me by a dear friend. It's chock full of pearls, so I contacted the author and asked her permission to post this. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Here are the 20 things kids really need to start school...
SHARON RANDALL, Scripps Howard
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A friend e-mailed me a story she couldn't wait to tell me. She'd gone out to fetch the newspaper when she saw two little girls — ages 5 and 7, she guessed — all dressed up for the first day of school. And their dad was snapping their picture.
"It caused me to reflect on when my kids started school," she wrote. "That first day was a mixed bag, because if you were a mom with the kids in the house all summer, you were looking forward to some peace and quiet. But in the same vein, it was another year gone. ..."
Reading her note, I suddenly realized I never made pictures of my kids on their first day of school. What was I thinking?
Wait. I remember. I was thinking, "Please, God, help me get them in the car because my oldest can't find his shoes, and my youngest threw up, and my daughter hates how I braided her hair. And if we don't leave now we're going to be late because I might kill them. And, God? Please let the car start."
Motherhood is indeed a "mixed bag," not just on the first day of school.
From the day they are born, we start pushing them out of the nest with one hand and pulling them back with the other.
I don't have pictures of my children on their first days of school, but I have memories. I wish you could see them.
Last year in a column, I listed what I think children need for school. Many of you requested a reprint of that list. So here again, thank you, are "20 things children truly need for school."
1. A No. 2 pencil and a willingness to erase.
2. A respect for themselves and others, especially their teachers.
3. An awareness that the world does not revolve around them, and that they alone are responsible for their actions.
4. Parents (or grandparents) who teach by example a love for reading, learning and life.
5. An assurance that school is a good, safe place, their teachers will like them, and their parents won't leave town without them.
6. An understanding that school is their "job" and no one else can or will do it for them.
7. A system for exchanging communication between school and home; a backpack for notes; an emergency phone number that always answers; a quiet place and time to do homework; a daily chance to read aloud and to be read to.
8. A plan for getting to and from school on time.
9. A pet to care for.
10. A public library card.
11. Someone to welcome them home, laugh at their jokes, answer their questions and listen to what they say and don't say.
12. The power of knowing how it feels to give anonymously and sacrificially to help someone less fortunate.
13. The encouragement to try new things, the freedom to fail and the chance to try again.
14. The gifts of being well- fed, well-rested, well-mannered and well-covered for medical, dental and after-school care.
15. The confidence to deal with bullies (stand up straight, look them in the eye, don't start a fight — but don't back down), how to ask questions (raise your hand and wait to be called on) and to never stop asking questions, especially "Why?"
16. To be the best, or at least pretty good, at something, and to know that it's OK not to be good at everything.
17. To spend more time with humans and less with machines.
18. To have nothing to do once in a while but daydream.
19. To have someone love them unconditionally, regardless of their grades; someone to "beam" at them, to light up when they walk into the room.
20. They need to know that school won't last forever, but learning is a lifelong process.
And even if their mom forgets to take pictures, she'll always think they look pretty cute.
Sharon Randall can be contacted at P.O. Box 777394, Henderson, NV 89077, or at www.sharonrandall.com.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Foster Dad
Jamie Jones M.D. was one of the original inspirations for this blog. Not only has he raised numerous foster children, but he raised them as a single dad. Through the years, I've listened to his many stories of wisdom about raising his kids, and now his many grandchildren. Here are a couple of his pearls...
Teenage Lies:
“Dad, I’m so sorry I’m late. Honestly, we were at the dance and left in plenty of time to get everyone home by their curfews, but on the way home we got a flat tire. We couldn’t really see very well in the dark, and no one had a flash light. We finally felt our way around the trunk, got out the spare and then realized Jack didn’t have a spare to use. So we called Triple A, waited for them to come, which took forever, then had to drive the girls home first and the other kids and I’m the last before Sam headed home.”
“Son, you’re not telling the truth.”
“What gives dad? I’m telling you the truth.”
“Son, I don’t know you are lying, but you know you are. No one who is telling the truth goes into all that detail. Truth tellers just say we got a flat tire, but all the additions you make tell me that even though I don’t know you are lying, you know you are lying and you are trying to cover up something.”
I have had several foster children. Each time a new child arrived, I had to integrate them into our family and try to get them interested in some pretty unusual interests: mine. Often the stereotyped interests, at least for guys, are pretty basic: sports and cars. But I have an interest in art and theater, and being on a resident’s salary meant that my kids needed to go with me if those interests were to be allowed. So whenever we went on vacation, we’d visit the local art museums. This is how my kids would earn trip money. We’d enter the museum and for every painting that they knew the painter, they’d get a quarter. If they knew the country of the painter—another quarter, and if they knew the type of painting, impressionism etc., they’d get another quarter. If they didn’t know the answer, they lost a nickel. As you well know, most museums have several works by an artist close to each other. So even without a trained eye, after seeing one painting and learning the country and epoch, the rest is an easy redundancy. When the kids didn’t know the work, I’d have the opportunity to describe it. Sure, the child might have lost 15 cents, but then could gain it back and then some with the other paintings nearby. I did this for years and my kids would always love to go to the museum. Sure, at first, it was because they earned money, but gradually they ended up becoming familiar with so many of the paintings, and over time they’d ask to go to the museums without any mention of allowance. As the years progressed I’d change the deal, a nickel for each they knew, a quarter off for ones they missed. They all ended up with quite an appreciation of art. Now, years later, often when we visit cities, our first stop is a museum. My kids are all adults now, but now their kids are busy earning their trip allowances in the art museums!
Teenage Lies:
“Dad, I’m so sorry I’m late. Honestly, we were at the dance and left in plenty of time to get everyone home by their curfews, but on the way home we got a flat tire. We couldn’t really see very well in the dark, and no one had a flash light. We finally felt our way around the trunk, got out the spare and then realized Jack didn’t have a spare to use. So we called Triple A, waited for them to come, which took forever, then had to drive the girls home first and the other kids and I’m the last before Sam headed home.”
“Son, you’re not telling the truth.”
“What gives dad? I’m telling you the truth.”
“Son, I don’t know you are lying, but you know you are. No one who is telling the truth goes into all that detail. Truth tellers just say we got a flat tire, but all the additions you make tell me that even though I don’t know you are lying, you know you are lying and you are trying to cover up something.”
I have had several foster children. Each time a new child arrived, I had to integrate them into our family and try to get them interested in some pretty unusual interests: mine. Often the stereotyped interests, at least for guys, are pretty basic: sports and cars. But I have an interest in art and theater, and being on a resident’s salary meant that my kids needed to go with me if those interests were to be allowed. So whenever we went on vacation, we’d visit the local art museums. This is how my kids would earn trip money. We’d enter the museum and for every painting that they knew the painter, they’d get a quarter. If they knew the country of the painter—another quarter, and if they knew the type of painting, impressionism etc., they’d get another quarter. If they didn’t know the answer, they lost a nickel. As you well know, most museums have several works by an artist close to each other. So even without a trained eye, after seeing one painting and learning the country and epoch, the rest is an easy redundancy. When the kids didn’t know the work, I’d have the opportunity to describe it. Sure, the child might have lost 15 cents, but then could gain it back and then some with the other paintings nearby. I did this for years and my kids would always love to go to the museum. Sure, at first, it was because they earned money, but gradually they ended up becoming familiar with so many of the paintings, and over time they’d ask to go to the museums without any mention of allowance. As the years progressed I’d change the deal, a nickel for each they knew, a quarter off for ones they missed. They all ended up with quite an appreciation of art. Now, years later, often when we visit cities, our first stop is a museum. My kids are all adults now, but now their kids are busy earning their trip allowances in the art museums!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Divorce
I have a friend who is loving, balanced, insightful, and an overall great human being. Her parents divorced while raising their family. Her mom, Joyce, grandmother of ten, offered this advice about how to minimize the impact of divorce for all involved:
"Keeping the focus on the origin of our problem helped maintain as much harmony for the family as possible.
In short, the adult relationship was the root of our issues, not the children and family unit. We did not want to make our divorce the childrens' problem.
Remembering this vital distinction allowed us to come together as a family, even after we each re-married. Dissolving the marriage also allowed us to re-unite in friendship."
"Keeping the focus on the origin of our problem helped maintain as much harmony for the family as possible.
In short, the adult relationship was the root of our issues, not the children and family unit. We did not want to make our divorce the childrens' problem.
Remembering this vital distinction allowed us to come together as a family, even after we each re-married. Dissolving the marriage also allowed us to re-unite in friendship."
Sunday, March 18, 2007
A Pearl from Pearl
Ronny submitted these pearls from her mom...
Pearl Joyce Vanderhoof is a 3rd generation Pearl. She is 85 years old. She has 2 grandchildren named after her. She has raised 4 well-adjusted, happy (if such a thing is actually possible) children. All 6 of us adore each other. We have 5-6 family reunions a year. Pearl and our father Fred still travel the world and continue to be very active.
When asked what her "pearls of wisdom" were concerning raising her kids, she replied, "Make sure they have a father that feeds them and bathes them. But just as important is that they are very involved in household chores. Not only do they learn there are no free rides in life, but that they are a valuable contribution to their home."
All 4 of us kids got up on Saturday mornings and cleaned the house and yard. We got a break to watch Saturday morning television when "My Friend Flicka" came on. We worked for several hours. All of us working and complaining together. I remember it fondly now. I have instilled this same value in my own children.
Pearl Joyce Vanderhoof is a 3rd generation Pearl. She is 85 years old. She has 2 grandchildren named after her. She has raised 4 well-adjusted, happy (if such a thing is actually possible) children. All 6 of us adore each other. We have 5-6 family reunions a year. Pearl and our father Fred still travel the world and continue to be very active.
When asked what her "pearls of wisdom" were concerning raising her kids, she replied, "Make sure they have a father that feeds them and bathes them. But just as important is that they are very involved in household chores. Not only do they learn there are no free rides in life, but that they are a valuable contribution to their home."
All 4 of us kids got up on Saturday mornings and cleaned the house and yard. We got a break to watch Saturday morning television when "My Friend Flicka" came on. We worked for several hours. All of us working and complaining together. I remember it fondly now. I have instilled this same value in my own children.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Believe
According to the doctors, Amy should never have lived to see all seven of her grandchildren. Ten years ago, just before retirement, she was diagnosed with an advanced cancer of the uterus that had spread to her colon. Her doctors estimated she had little time to get her affairs in order. But Amy decided to fight back. She endured through three surgeries, chemo, and radiation. Although Amy's body was so weak that she was confined to a wheelchair and unable to even lift her head, she continued to believe in herself. With the support of her oncologist, her family, and the prayers of her church family, she embarked on journey of healing that not only included Western medicine, but acupuncture and other Eastern therapies as well.
One day, a friend invited her to come to her dance lessons, and Amy came to watch, wheelchair and all. That was a turning point in Amy's mind. She believed she could do it. She was going to dance! Now, ten years later, Amy and her husband are on the dance floor, kicking up their heels every week. They are enjoying their grandchildren, and have just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
Here is Amy's pearl: "Parents should give their children the encouragement they need to feel good about themselves. Self-esteem and self-confidence are so important in their young lives growing up. They just need to know that they are their own person, and that they can do and be whatever they want to do and be. One thing they will never need is to have their parents (or any other adult) put them down. Help give your children the confidence to believe in themselves!"
One day, a friend invited her to come to her dance lessons, and Amy came to watch, wheelchair and all. That was a turning point in Amy's mind. She believed she could do it. She was going to dance! Now, ten years later, Amy and her husband are on the dance floor, kicking up their heels every week. They are enjoying their grandchildren, and have just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
Here is Amy's pearl: "Parents should give their children the encouragement they need to feel good about themselves. Self-esteem and self-confidence are so important in their young lives growing up. They just need to know that they are their own person, and that they can do and be whatever they want to do and be. One thing they will never need is to have their parents (or any other adult) put them down. Help give your children the confidence to believe in themselves!"
Thursday, February 1, 2007
A Loss
As I was looking over my reading list recently, I thought it would be nice to ask for a "pearl" from the mother of Richard Carlson, the author who is best known for his "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series. Judging by Richard's philosophy and outlook on life, I would suspect that Mrs. Carlson is a wise and wonderful mother and grandmother.
In checking out the "Don't Sweat" website however, I was saddened to discover that Richard had just passed away at the young age of 45. He was on a flight from San Francisco to New York City last December 13th, and died of a pulmonary embolism, resulting in cardiac arrest. Richard was the best selling author of 30 books, which focused on the themes of kindness, patience, gratitude and generosity.
Athough he didn't live long enough to enjoy "Grandpa" status, Richard's books are chock full of wise and wonderful pearls. Even if you've read his books before, pick one up and read it again. I guarantee that you'll learn something new. His words seem all the more powerful, now that his too-short time on earth has come to an end. You can read more about Richard's life on his website: www.dontsweat.com.
In checking out the "Don't Sweat" website however, I was saddened to discover that Richard had just passed away at the young age of 45. He was on a flight from San Francisco to New York City last December 13th, and died of a pulmonary embolism, resulting in cardiac arrest. Richard was the best selling author of 30 books, which focused on the themes of kindness, patience, gratitude and generosity.
Athough he didn't live long enough to enjoy "Grandpa" status, Richard's books are chock full of wise and wonderful pearls. Even if you've read his books before, pick one up and read it again. I guarantee that you'll learn something new. His words seem all the more powerful, now that his too-short time on earth has come to an end. You can read more about Richard's life on his website: www.dontsweat.com.
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